hello old friend, i should really come and visit you more often. My life as of now has just been so crazy, and ... new? Yes new, thats the word im looking for. School just started and at the beginning of every school year i find myself looking back at the changes i have gone threw, physically emotionally and mentally. Being a junior in high school, as of now i have been focusing on my freshman and sophomore years and how much i have changed in my outlook on life and my beliefes.
Freshman year i was just plain awkward. As most freshman are, but i was a bit more awkward then your normal freshie in the begaining. I had my own sheltered group of friends that at the time where alot like me, that group of friends is now more broken up but the good ones have stuck with me till now, but i have also picked up more along my way. Seeing my little brother in highschool, his first year, i wanna help him and make sure he doesnt make the same mistakes i did, but i know he doesnt really need it. I realize now how much of a man he is becoming and how smart and strong he really is, in some ways i look up to him. I wish i could make someone smile, help out, be as paitent, and caring like he is. Now me and him dont always get along but i really do love him and i wish i could be that smart as a freshman.
Sophomore year is where i ran into alot of my troubles but looking back now it has mad me stronger and has taught me lessons.
im just happy that God has brought me to the place i am with him and in my live, and to know that he has brought me here with purpose. I am his and he will lead me, help me, and save me by his grace.
live life. love God.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
so i had to write a hero paper and i know that my teacher wont like it because i used the words me and i a lot but its how i write and i think i did pretty good on this so enjoy.
What is a hero? The Dictionary definition says: a person of distinguished courage or ability, admired for their brave deeds and noble qualities. But for me that isn’t the only qualities a hero must have. Honesty, trustworthiness, and obedience are a few of the additional words that come to mind. Picturing someone with heroic qualities that are important to me, and a person or people I would like to write about, took me a while. For me it’s not about how many votes you earned or the people you impressed. It’s about the hearts you have touched and the people you care for. Putting all of those qualities together I tried to picture a person who would fit that description. So I started thinking. I don’t think of a deceased person that I have never met that might be a completely ignorant person. I think of people living in the now, someone who gets you thinking, and someone who will leave their footprint when they leave. It finally came to me. Soldiers. It just seemed right. The two words – soldier & hero - seem to match each other. When I think of the word hero, I see soldiers walking bearing the flag of our wonderful country. Weather it is Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, or Coast Guard, they portray my idea of selfless in a way that most people could never understand, knowing that they are working for peace with every breath they take.
Having my brother as a soldier in the American Army, and many of my friends in the Marines and Air Force, I have had so many important experiences that helped me understand the comradely spirit and leadership qualities that almost all soldiers of the armed forces have. Seeing the way they march, stand, speak…everything is done together as one unit, a unit that protects as one. It’s inspirational to watch the proud faces, and hear all the stories behind the reasons they have chosen to risk their lives for the freedom of our country. It is as if they were an orchestra. When you see them working together they make beautiful music, but when you hear them individually they have their own sound or story. A story that leaves a trace and makes you think.
It overpowers me to think that a stranger, a person that has never met me or seen me, is willing to take the chance to fight for me, to give me the ability to have my own religion, my own thought, my own actions, and no fear for my life because of those beliefs. I am inspired, encouraged, and motivated by these young men and women. I am proud to say that I live in the land of the free, because of the brave.
live life. love God.
What is a hero? The Dictionary definition says: a person of distinguished courage or ability, admired for their brave deeds and noble qualities. But for me that isn’t the only qualities a hero must have. Honesty, trustworthiness, and obedience are a few of the additional words that come to mind. Picturing someone with heroic qualities that are important to me, and a person or people I would like to write about, took me a while. For me it’s not about how many votes you earned or the people you impressed. It’s about the hearts you have touched and the people you care for. Putting all of those qualities together I tried to picture a person who would fit that description. So I started thinking. I don’t think of a deceased person that I have never met that might be a completely ignorant person. I think of people living in the now, someone who gets you thinking, and someone who will leave their footprint when they leave. It finally came to me. Soldiers. It just seemed right. The two words – soldier & hero - seem to match each other. When I think of the word hero, I see soldiers walking bearing the flag of our wonderful country. Weather it is Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, or Coast Guard, they portray my idea of selfless in a way that most people could never understand, knowing that they are working for peace with every breath they take.
Having my brother as a soldier in the American Army, and many of my friends in the Marines and Air Force, I have had so many important experiences that helped me understand the comradely spirit and leadership qualities that almost all soldiers of the armed forces have. Seeing the way they march, stand, speak…everything is done together as one unit, a unit that protects as one. It’s inspirational to watch the proud faces, and hear all the stories behind the reasons they have chosen to risk their lives for the freedom of our country. It is as if they were an orchestra. When you see them working together they make beautiful music, but when you hear them individually they have their own sound or story. A story that leaves a trace and makes you think.
It overpowers me to think that a stranger, a person that has never met me or seen me, is willing to take the chance to fight for me, to give me the ability to have my own religion, my own thought, my own actions, and no fear for my life because of those beliefs. I am inspired, encouraged, and motivated by these young men and women. I am proud to say that I live in the land of the free, because of the brave.
live life. love God.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
so far....
So my life in the last week has taken me for a spin, i have learn many things about myself, more like rethinking some things about myself, im in those years where you are trying to find a closer relationship with yourself trying to find who you are and why you do the things you do, just all around curious, about anything and everything.
1st- i am trying to find my relationship with God not just a religion. i want a close bond with God something that i have truly not had before. I have always been a Christian but I was looking at it in a way that it is just something for me its just what i am supposed to do and i don’t want to think about it that way anymore, i want to love him with my whole heart and know that for sure the feeling in my heart is for God.
2nd- i have been trying to find the real meaning of love, kindness, caring. What do those mean to me, and do i expect them in a relationship, in any relationship. If I give them away do I expect them back? And what happens if I give them away and don’t get them back? Do I get hurt? What if I didn’t give those away, would I be harming myself or other people?
3rd- i wanna find out everything about myself and others. i know that sounds brainless, but its the truth, i find myself being more and more curious about everyone and everything lately that it is absurd! i just wanna know everything i am kinda like that tiny kid that is always asking there parents "what is this, what is that, why is this, what does that do?" i amaze myself with how i find such little discoveries so wonderful. to myself i do sounds like a 5 year old but i guess i don’t mind. Being curious and innocent is what i do best.(innocence is bliss) I love how I can figure things out that most people don’t even take the time to think about.
Those are just the few things that I have been struggling with and thought that a quick blog might help me out. :]
live life. love God.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Little discoveries
So the other day i was thinking about people, and i find many people to be attention seeking. Now really who doesn't love a little attention. Even those kids that sit in the corner because they are too shy or are affraid of attention. and i think that the reason for most of our reactions are because of or are for attention.
When you think of attention seekers most of us prolly think of the pigs of guys that shout at girls, of the drama queen who does things just to make you look at her, maybe the kid who thinks making fun of someone makes them cooler, but for me i think of the people who don't get enough attention. The kid who is depressed and cuts themselves, the boy who sits by himself at the lunch table, the person who is affraid of the world, or the girl who looks for attention from boys for the lack of attention she get else where.
Where does the lack of attention come from? Part of me thinks it is their fault, now now, calm yourself let me explain. I think that for me little things are my attention fixes. Examples!: my dad made me mickey mouse pancakes the other day and then then said that once he sold the snowmobile that he could pay for me to see my wonderful sister and brother. Which i understand prolly wont happen but i don't mind just him thinking of me makes me feel like i am important to him. My mother is always trusting me and telling me things that she says she "shouldn't be telling me" but it shows she loves me and trusts me with things. She also does things like remembering how much i like bigger meat chunks in my spaghetti and when i look down at my bowl filled with oodles of noodles and see the massive meat chucks it makes me feel warm and fussy inside. And my sister (or sister in law, i know, i just think its cool to have a sister) her being able to hang with someone my age and not act any different and trust me with the things she has problems with makes me feel like we actually are sisters and it was always like that, and nothing could change that. And my friends help me alot, they are always showing me how much they care about me and just laughing with them shows me how much they want to see me be happy.:] i think if people looked at life in a different prespective things would look alot better.
Then there is another part of me that makes me think it is the families fault. I see things like a mother caring more about her furnature then her own daugther and that hurt me i can't imagine how that makes her feel. I also see things like sexual abuse by someones family and things like teasing taken another level. and what do you do about things like that? There is not much to do to prevent things like that, other then learning from mistakes of others and following god. maybe not this one is just lose, its hard to blame families? ya know, ya know?
Another part ( yes the is lots to me) thinks that it is the day and age we live in. You can't talk to someone, go on the computer, turn on the radio, look at your cell phone without seeing or hearing something sad or bad. it puts a damper on your day and makes our out look on things change. If all you see out there is bad something that might actually be good might also seem bad, and if that is how people see things is in a negative way, it doesnt help anyone. More examples you say? of course i will give you examples! :] like early freshman year i got in a little pit of self pity, well i guess it wasn't so little. (Pity parties are stupid when they go on for a long periods of time, just to let ya no. ) And all i saw was bad so when someone would give me a compliment it make my self confidence trip down into a abis of self conscious.It was because i thought they were making fun of me or trying to hurt me in some way and this was because all i saw was bad, and it was sad for me but i got over it and now i see things in a different light. Seeing the Happieness in things makes us see that all the attention we need is in little things like the people that you may find a little annoyying that you wake up to in the morning, or the friends that surround you that make you feel like you can concore the world and the greatest one of all the king that is always watching you and gracing you with the gift of life each and every morning. Things like that can change you and the world around you.
ANY WHO! what i am trying to say is people we have to see things in a positive light rather then be a little miss rain clouds in my pants, and start seeing yourself as important and that you get attention in millions of small ways rather then getting attention in only the ways you want. :]]]
live life. love god.
When you think of attention seekers most of us prolly think of the pigs of guys that shout at girls, of the drama queen who does things just to make you look at her, maybe the kid who thinks making fun of someone makes them cooler, but for me i think of the people who don't get enough attention. The kid who is depressed and cuts themselves, the boy who sits by himself at the lunch table, the person who is affraid of the world, or the girl who looks for attention from boys for the lack of attention she get else where.
Where does the lack of attention come from? Part of me thinks it is their fault, now now, calm yourself let me explain. I think that for me little things are my attention fixes. Examples!: my dad made me mickey mouse pancakes the other day and then then said that once he sold the snowmobile that he could pay for me to see my wonderful sister and brother. Which i understand prolly wont happen but i don't mind just him thinking of me makes me feel like i am important to him. My mother is always trusting me and telling me things that she says she "shouldn't be telling me" but it shows she loves me and trusts me with things. She also does things like remembering how much i like bigger meat chunks in my spaghetti and when i look down at my bowl filled with oodles of noodles and see the massive meat chucks it makes me feel warm and fussy inside. And my sister (or sister in law, i know, i just think its cool to have a sister) her being able to hang with someone my age and not act any different and trust me with the things she has problems with makes me feel like we actually are sisters and it was always like that, and nothing could change that. And my friends help me alot, they are always showing me how much they care about me and just laughing with them shows me how much they want to see me be happy.:] i think if people looked at life in a different prespective things would look alot better.
Then there is another part of me that makes me think it is the families fault. I see things like a mother caring more about her furnature then her own daugther and that hurt me i can't imagine how that makes her feel. I also see things like sexual abuse by someones family and things like teasing taken another level. and what do you do about things like that? There is not much to do to prevent things like that, other then learning from mistakes of others and following god. maybe not this one is just lose, its hard to blame families? ya know, ya know?
Another part ( yes the is lots to me) thinks that it is the day and age we live in. You can't talk to someone, go on the computer, turn on the radio, look at your cell phone without seeing or hearing something sad or bad. it puts a damper on your day and makes our out look on things change. If all you see out there is bad something that might actually be good might also seem bad, and if that is how people see things is in a negative way, it doesnt help anyone. More examples you say? of course i will give you examples! :] like early freshman year i got in a little pit of self pity, well i guess it wasn't so little. (Pity parties are stupid when they go on for a long periods of time, just to let ya no. ) And all i saw was bad so when someone would give me a compliment it make my self confidence trip down into a abis of self conscious.It was because i thought they were making fun of me or trying to hurt me in some way and this was because all i saw was bad, and it was sad for me but i got over it and now i see things in a different light. Seeing the Happieness in things makes us see that all the attention we need is in little things like the people that you may find a little annoyying that you wake up to in the morning, or the friends that surround you that make you feel like you can concore the world and the greatest one of all the king that is always watching you and gracing you with the gift of life each and every morning. Things like that can change you and the world around you.
ANY WHO! what i am trying to say is people we have to see things in a positive light rather then be a little miss rain clouds in my pants, and start seeing yourself as important and that you get attention in millions of small ways rather then getting attention in only the ways you want. :]]]
live life. love god.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
follow the yellow brick road
Hey everyone,
so just to let you know ima normal, well not so normal young women. I love peroxide crayons and happiness, which might make u think i have the mental capability of a 5 year old, but i am rather optimistic, at least i like to think of myself that way. I dont like when people hold back their ideas and thoughts, but i often do that myself, so this is where i will let myself be free with my expression, even though i will only be writing it for like 3 people to read i dont care, at least i am getting my ideas out. enjoy.
live life. love god.
so just to let you know ima normal, well not so normal young women. I love peroxide crayons and happiness, which might make u think i have the mental capability of a 5 year old, but i am rather optimistic, at least i like to think of myself that way. I dont like when people hold back their ideas and thoughts, but i often do that myself, so this is where i will let myself be free with my expression, even though i will only be writing it for like 3 people to read i dont care, at least i am getting my ideas out. enjoy.
live life. love god.
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